occasions of sin

It would also be a miracle if we exposed ourselves to the occasion, and did not fall. According to St. Bernardine of Siena, it is a greater miracle not to fall in the occasion of sin, than to raise a dead man to life. St. Philip Neri used to say that in the warfare of the flesh, cowards that is, they who fly from occasions are always victorious. You say: I hope that God will assist me. But God says : He that loveth the danger shall perish in it. God does not assist those who, without necessity, expose themselves voluntarily to the occasion of sin.

Some also believe that it is only a venial sin to expose themselves to the proximate occasion of sin. The catechist must explain that those who do not abstain from voluntary proximate occasions of grievous sin are guilty of a mortal sin, even though they have the intention of not committing the bad act, to the danger of which they expose themselves. So, also, women must be taught it is a sin to take pleasure in being admired and desired by men, if this pleasure arises from vanity, and not from a wish to be married to them.

God does not assist those who, without necessity, expose themselves voluntarily to the occasion of sin. It is necessary to know that he who puts himself in the proximate occasion of sin is in the state of sin, though he should have no intention of committing the principal sin to which he exposes himself.

By proximate occasions even saints have fallen, and persons on the point of expiringhave been lost.We must carefully abstain from looking at persons, the sight of whom may tempt us to bad thoughts. St. Bernard says: "Through the eyes the arrows of impure love enter, and kill the soul." And the Holy Ghost says: Turn away thy face from a woman dressed up? Is it, then, a sin to look at a woman? Yes, it is at least a venial sin to look at young women; and when the looks are repeated, there is also danger of mortal sin. St. Francis de Sales says that to look at dangerous objects is bad, but to look a second time is still more injurious. One of the ancient philosophers blinded himself voluntarily in order to be freed from unchaste suggestions. It is not lawful for us Christians to destroy our sight physically, but we should destroy it morally by turning the eyes away from objects which may excite temptations.

St. Aloysius Gonzaga never looked at women; even speaking to his mother he kept his eyes cast down upon the ground. It is equally dangerous for women to look at young men.

It is necessary to avoid all bad company, and all assemblies where light bantering and flirting go on between men and women. 'With the holy thou wilt be holy . . . and with the perverse thou wilt be perverted.' If you keep company with the virtuous, you shall be virtuous; if you associate with the unchaste, you too will indulge in impurity. St. Thomas says that a man will be like the companions with whom he converses.

from the writings of Saint Alphonsus Maria de Liguori

dangers in courtship

Finally, some one may ask whether it is a mortal sin to make love [engage in talk with opposite sex]. What can I say? Ordinarily speaking, I say that persons who give themselves up to love-making are scarcely free from the proximate occasion of sinning mortally. Experience shows that few of them are exempt from grievous sins. If they do not commit mortal sin in the beginning of their courtship, they will in the course of time very easily fall into it: for at first they speak together through a predilection for each other's conversation; this predilection afterwards grows into a passion; when the passion has taken root, it blinds the mind, and precipitates the soul into a thousand sins of bad thoughts, of immodest words, and, in the end of sinful acts. Cardinal Pico de la Mirandola, bishop of Albano, forbade the confessors of his diocese to absolve those lovers who, after being duly admonished, continued to hold long conversations together, particularly if they should be alone, or if the conversations should be of great length, or clandestine, or by night. "But, Father," some of them will say, "I have no bad intention. I have not even bad thoughts." Young men and young girls, avoid these amatory conversations with persons of a different sex. In the beginning the devil does not suggest bad thoughts, but when the affection has taken root it will not allow you to see the evil you do; and almost without knowing how, you will find that you have lost your soul, your God, and your honor. Oh! how many innocent young persons does the devil gain in this way!

from the writings of Saint Alphonsus Liguori

abstain from relations with the opposite sex

Some young men will ask: Father, is it sinful to make love [engage in small talk with the opposite sex]? I say: I cannot assert that of itself it is a mortal sin: but persons who do so are often in the proximate occasion of mortal sin; and experience shows that few of them are found free from grievous faults. It is useless for them to say that they neither had a bad motive nor bad thoughts. This is an illusion of the devil; in the beginning he does not suggest bad thoughts; but when, by frequent conversations together, and by frequently speaking of love, the affection of these lovers has become strong, the devil will make them blind to the danger and sinfulness of their conduct, and they shall find that, without knowing how, they have lost their souls and God by many sins of impurity and scandal. Oh! how many young persons of both sexes does the devil gain in this way! And of all those sins of scandal God will demand an account of fathers and mothers, who are bound, but neglect, to prevent these dangerous conversations. Hence, they are the cause of all these evils, and shall be severely chastised by God for them.

Above all, in order to avoid bad thoughts, men must abstain from looking at women, and females must be careful not to look at men. I repeat the words of Job which I have frequently quoted: I made a covenant with my eyes that I should not so much as think upon a virgin. he says that he made a covenant with his eyes that he would not think. What have the eyes to do with thinking? The eyes do not think; the mind alone thinks. But he had just reason to say that he made a covenant with his eyes that he would not think on women; for St. Bernard says that through the eyes the darts of impure love, which kills the soul, enter into the mind." Hence the Holy Ghost says: Turn away thy face from a woman dressed up. It is always dangerous to look at young persons elegantly dressed; and to look at them purposely, and without a just cause, is, at least, a venial sin.

from the writings of Saint Alphonsus Maria de Liguori